Thursday, August 04, 2005

Fiat 20 new models

Wow! Italian car maker Fiat has decided to introduce twenty new models within the next three years. This is a very aggressive move by the struggling automaker. It seems to me that it's also a bit too much for the public to swallow.
Now I know Fiat branding has many different plates. There is the Fiat name, Alfa Romeo, Lancia and a commercial line. Maybe no one will notice the complete overhaul. Unfortunately for the company they will need to get concessions from the unions. Riiigghht. If you expect some fat, lazy euro union to give up anything, I believe you're in dreamland.
Too bad because I loved the look of the old Fiat Spyder. My cousin used to have one and I always wanted one too, or actually any open roadster. I like the looks of the MG Midget, but I think the best looking one was the MGB Spitfire. I was excited when the Miata was announced, but as soon as I saw the price tag I wasn't so excited. I looked at various lots and every one of them had a dealer pack of at least $5000 on it. Now the advertising said this little beauty would be affordable. Some hopes. I know some American manufacturers brought out their own knockoffs, but I didn't like them. The new Capri from Mercury looked too much like an old brown rubber door stop. Blech. The Honda Del Sol is just too weird. And forget about any of those kit cars that look like a miniature Duesenberg. They don't look like Duesenbergs, they look silly. I think they're called Excalibur or something. Hey boy, sheath that excalibur, you might frighten the ladies.
Now that I have Sexy Girl and Honey Girl, I guess the days of open air riding are over anyway. Until my midlife crisis I guess.
But wait! It looks like James Bond will be driving a new Fiat. The Fiat Panda? WTH? Since when did 007 wuss out? This Panda is the cheapest thing in Fiat's line. Has Britannia sunk so low that James Bond, James Bond! has to drive an economy car? I shudder to think what Q will have to work with when he arms the car.
"Look here 007, this is a toy, be careful with it. Unfortunately, we can't afford to replace the engine, so we have a rubber band assist for speed, just wind up here and let go." Hm, a rubber Q?" "Don't be vulgar Bond, it's true sheepskin. Now don't get into any scrapes with the bad guys, Bond. We don't have any British suppliers for weapons anymore." "Then what the devil am I supposed to do if SMERSH or SPECTRE attack me?" "See this lever here? Just turn to the left and your protective device will activate." "What is it Q? A set of cannons from the rear exhaust? An oil slick?" "No 007. Her Majesty's Government has contracted with France for some dainty white flags. These flags will deploy and a recording of the phrase 'I surrender' plays in twelve different languages whenever physical force is called for." "What?! You mean I'm to be unarmed? Can't I have any type of weapon? What if I supply my own?" "Sorry, you can only use approved items. I might be able to find some type of old firearm for you, hang on, let's look here in this box. Here's an old Webley revolver." "I can't use that Q it's too old and obsolete. What about a 9mm?" "Yes, there's one here... sorry old chap, it's marked 'for ladies only. Signed K. Du Toit.' Looks like you only can have a 22 single shot, Bond." "That's it? Well give it to me then." "Frightfully sorry 007, you can only keep it locked up in a registered shooting range." "How can I use it then?" "Well, Her Majesty's Government doesn't really want you to use firearms Bond, they're too dangerous. You'll just have to negotiate." "Have we sunk so low, Q? I'm moving to America." "Unfortunately, you don't fit the profile of desirable immigrants Bond, you'll have to stay here." "I'll sneak in then, no one will notice me." "Sorry again old chap, Americans will stop you and search you for hidden bombs at every railroad station, airport and road checkpoint. You don't fit the profile you see, they want to make everyone feeeeellll good." "I'll disguise myself as a swarthy middle eastern looking male then." "Hm, it might work 007, it just might work."


GUYK said...

LOL and 007 can come across the border just south of El paso!