Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Baldwin Freak Tirade Leads To Bodyguard For Daughter

Enemy Press News Outlet Reuters reports that the violent spew released by unknown parties concerning some no account entertainers has caused the mother of the target to hire bodyguards for her daughter.

One wonders if these bodyguards are unarmed? According to the new orthodoxy of Hollyweirdthink, you would be justified in thinking so. Surely this bodyguard agency, which is unnamed, was also checked out to see if it follows all the new rules for liberal living. Employees can only drive electric cars, or indeed, golf carts. As they are considered by some to be professionals, it's very likely they are equipped with non-lethal safety devices as well as a small flashing red light on top. At least sixteen bodyguards are required to fit into each one to minimize the effect on the environment. Said vehicle comes standard with a porta potty, which only dispenses single sheets, one for each officer.

There will be no guns! No, no one, not even the offspring of the so-called glitterati are allowed such nasty, filthy items to protect themselves. The bodyguards are all expert in crisis negotiation, surrender, and victimhood policies. Pity the poor thug who dares approach the child with untoward thoughts! He or she will be instantly swarmed by grief counselors and victim's rights groups. Sensitivity trainers will be dispatched to the scene to help the transgressor deal with the aftermath of the uncontrollable urges forced upon him or her by President Bush and Karl Rove.

Yes! A gun free utopia. Just one wave of a fairy wand will make the evil go away. We must all follow the wills of our uneducated betters. They know that no amount of counter force can ever solve the scourge of evil assaulting this world. No guns, know peace. The World Can't Wait!!!!

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